What's YOUR sign?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I don’t mean your Zodiac sign – [I’m Aries, btw] – I want to know if you have an invisible neon sign on you that attracts things, people, questions, etc.

I have an invisible neon sign. It says: PLEASE ASK ME DIRECTIONS. [In fine print, which no one can read, it has the disclaimer: Because I’m sure I can’t help you.]

I don’t know what it is, but for some reason, people always ask me for directions, and I’m the least prepared person in the world to give them an answer. I can’t direct people to places I’ve been, even places I’ve been dozens of times – far less someplace I’ve only heard about that’s supposed to be nearby. I have no sense of direction. I don’t navigate by street signs as much as by landmarks [turn left at the red house – if they ever paint that house, I’m lost]. I have to think twice to tell the difference between left and right sometimes.

I admit this willingly, not because it doesn’t embarrass me - it does – in fact halfway through giving directions to someone I’ve had them say, “You don’t live around here, do you?” [Only 45 years in virtually the same neighborhood, I’m still getting my bearings]. No, I admit this willingly because I want to spread the information that I’m NOT the person to ask if you need to know how to get to the DMV, or the mall or Town Hall [I work at Town Hall, btw, but if I'm there and you're not, well, good luck finding the place. I'm lucky I found it.] I could probably drive you to any one of those places, but I can’t possibly explain how to get there. 

I’ve often thought of wearing a real sign that says “No, I’m not from around here. Please don’t ask me directions.” But I don’t think people would notice. 

So tell me, do cats flock to you even though you’re allergic? Do people follow you even if you’re the one who’s lost? Do you ever wonder why? It's because you've got an invisible neon sign too. What's does yours say?