Monday, January 13, 2014

Checklist for Dating Non-Murderers

As I've said before, I watch a lot of those true-crime shows.  Watching them, it seems to me that a lot of people would still be alive if they had some kind of checklist for avoiding people who may eventually murder them.

So before you go anywhere alone with your dates, see how they stand up against the checklist...

1) Is the person you're going out with actually the gender they claim to be?

2) Has the person suffered more than one personal tragedy of a spouse, a significant other and/or some other family member committing 'suicide'?  If they've been widowed, how many times and why?

3) Does the person wonder about how much life insurance you have?

3b) Do they want to get life insurance for you and make themselves the beneficiary?

4) Is the person overly concerned with your car's maintenance?  Have they been under your car or do they wish to be under your car?

5)  Does this person want to take a long drive out in the country with you, where neither of you have supposedly ever been and where there's no cell service?

6) Does the person keep offering to make you beverages that may or may not contain antifreeze?  (i.e. Gatorade in a glass instead of out of the bottle, sweet tea, peach tea, lemonade that's slightly greener than it ought to be.)

7) Does the person try to distance you from family members?

8. Does your dog hate this person?

9)  Have you ever gotten the urge to tell someone 'if something happens to me, this person did it'?

10) Has this person ever named a weapon?  For instance, did they pull out a big knife and introduce you to 'Bubba'?

11) Would they object to a background check?  

12) Do they hide when a police car drives by?

*Note:  This list is intended for humor purposes only. I am not a professional in anything but writing - even if I do watch an inordinate number of crime shows.  However, I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that if you are in a situation where the person you're with makes you feel scared, nervous, uncomfortable or just plain creeped out, go with your gut instincts. 

8 comments:

jblynn said...

OMG -- Choked on my coffee. Love it!

B.E. Sanderson said...

=oD

Casey L. Clark said...

Ugh...I dated 2/3rds of that guy when I was young! Thank goodness I ran! Lol!

B.E. Sanderson said...

LOL, Casey. I'm glad you ran!

Karyn Good said...

Too funny!

Silver James said...

*giggleSPLORT*

I have now taken to keeping paper towels and Clorox wipes next to the computer, just for when I visit here.

I swear to the writing gods, B.E., you need to write a book about this. Just sayin'!

B.E. Sanderson said...

Thanks, Karyn!

Smart move, Silver. You never know when random things will make you splurt coffee. And I don't know about a book about this, but I certainly do pick up things from those crime shows.

Aisyah Putri Setiawan said...

Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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