Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Teaser Tuesday -- Hitwoman 8

Here's the first draft of the opening of the eighth Neurotic Hitwoman book:

You know it's going to be a bad day when your To Do list contains: Go to the Cemetery.
When you get out of bed with your bare feet and step into a pile of puke your drugged out cat regurgitated in the middle of the night, and you drive heave, your hopes for the day fall even further. And when a brown anole lizard chortles at your discomfort, it's enough reason to fall back into bed and pull the covers over your head, all the while keeping your damp, sticky, vomit-covered foot dangling over the side.
My name is Maggie Lee and that a pretty typical start to one of my days.
"You overslept," Godzilla, the aforementioned lizard, who prefers to be called God for short, informed me from where he lounged on a piece of driftwood in his glass terrarium.
I grabbed the corner of the pillow I'd used to cover my face, ready to chuck it at him. "I barely slept."
"None of us did," the lizard snapped. "You're not the only one who's worried about him."
"Too me!" My dyslexic Doberman Pinscher panted, jumping onto the bed and sticking her wet nose under the pillow. "Too me!"
Tossing the pillow aside, I stroked the dog's snout. "I know you are, DeeDee."
She laid her head on my shoulder, pressing her body weight against me.
"She's only concerned because he feeds her," God griped from his enclosure. "She doesn't really care about him."
"Too do," DeeDee growled.
The 'he' we were talking about is Patrick Mulligan. A hero cop, a feeder of animals, my almost lover, and my murder mentor. I'd found out from my mobster boss that Patrick had been poisoned. Unable to learn much more than that without attracting attention, I'd obeyed Patrick's Rule Number One: Don't get caught, and stopped asking questions. 
Instead I'd come home and told my pets what I knew.
I know everyone talks to their pets, but mine talk back. Really. A while back I was involved in a car accident which left me with the ability to hear and understand their replies. I know it sounds crazy, but my whole life is crazy. That same accident resulted in me becoming my niece Katie's guardian, responsible for her care and responsible for her medical bills. And the responsibility for the medical bills led me to the desperate choice to kill someone (a very bad someone, I swear!) for money, and that led me to Patrick.
Now Patrick was lying in a hospital room and I was starting yet another bad day with the Greek chorus of creatures complicating my morning even further.
"You're going to be late," God nagged.
"I know, I know." I dragged myself out of bed, careful not to step into the cat puke again and hopped across the basement of the Bed and Breakfast owned by my aunts,  not wanting to put my dirty foot down.
"Gotta," DeeDee whined softly, reminding me she need to be let out.
After wiping my foot clean with a dish towel, I climbed the short set of stairs and opened the basement's storm door to let her out into the yard. She bounded gleefully up the steps, almost knocking me over in her haste to get outside to nature's port-a-potty.
"Where's Piss?" I asked the lizard.
"Under the sofa."
Crossing the room, I knelt down, lifted the flap of fabric hanging from the bottom of the sofa and peered underneath. "How are you doing, sweetheart?"
"It hurts!" the one-eyed, one-eared cat yowled. "How in tarnation do you think I'm doing?"
Startled, I dropped the fabric and reared back.
"Your Southern Belle isn't so sweet now, is she?" the lizard mocked.
Lifting the flap again, I bent to get a better look at my feline friend.
"I need drugs," she hissed.
"Okay, okay," I assured her. "I'll open a can of food and get them for you. Chicken or fish?"

“You make it sound like she’s responding to a wedding invitation,” God interjected.


Silver James said...

Oh no! Not Patrick!?!?! And the animals are in rare form--as usual. Poor Maggie. Can't wait for this one. :D

Karyn Good said...

Love it!

B.E. Sanderson said...

OMG, I love this! I can't wait to read it all. =o)

Aisyah Putri Setiawan said...

Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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