Instead, I'll share a first (unedited) glimpse of Hitwoman 12.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your future rides on your ability to catch a chicken.
My name is Maggie Lee and I’d never caught a chicken in my life. (Unless you count the time in the supermarket my mentally unstable mother decided that a bird would make an excellent projectile to chuck at the butcher’s head. But that bird was dead and wrapped in plastic, which, you can trust me on this, makes catching it easier.)
Despite my lack of barnyard expertise, I found myself running around a backyard in a neighborhood where there are more needle tracks than chicken tracks trying to catch a ball of black, brown and red feathers. Every time I got near the bird, it would flap its wings and race away, squawking at me indignantly.
I’d already performed a triple sow cow, or Salchow if you want to be technical about it, but since I was chasing a farmyard animal, I’m calling it a sow cow. Said move had resulted in me sprawling headfirst into the dirt. Now my knees were sore, my palms were scraped and my dignity was dinged.
There would be no perfect 10 for me. At the rate I was going, the score was Chicken: 5, Maggie: Negative 3.
If I’d still had the ability to talk to animals, I could have reasoned with the bashful bird, but I’d lost that capacity after getting a knock on the noggin during a car crash, which was why, I was chasing a damn chicken.
“Amost got him that time,” my friend Armani yelled.
I looked back at where she stood on the cement stoop of a rundown house.
It was her fault I was there. Her fault I was running around like a maniac trying to catch the wayward fowl.
“Go see the shaman,” she’d said. “You’ll be able to talk to the animals.”
Tell me Killer Friends: Have YOU ever caught a chicken?